Things learned from The Lord of The Rings & The Hobbit

1. Pretty, shiny things are hazardous to your health.

2. Hobbits state the overly obvious

3. Chocolate is non-existent in Middle-Earth.

4. Beer and Tobacco seem to have a beneficial effect on hobbits

5. Never make fires in questionable caves.

6. Kick a troll, and your foot will break.

7. Elvish accents are low and whispery.

8. Imitating voices can come in handy.

9. Being good at riddles can save your life.

10. Giant spiders freak out elves big-time.

11. Elrond should have pushed Isildur into the crack of doom.

12. Sauron once got pawned by a girl

13. Legolas is NOT blonde.

14. Elves have the amazing ability to make up songs spontaneously.

15. Don’t ask Gandalf questions when he’s grumpy.

16. You do not want to make Gandalf mad.

17. There are surprising similarities between the movie-version Elrond and Spock.

18. The eagles always did provide a convenient Deus ex machina

19. The favorite color of most elves is grey.

20. Locking up your daughter in a tree house and expecting her to stay there is just simply naïve.

21. Make sure your master is mentally healthy before you swear fealty to him.

22. Saruman does not need a microphone.

23. Nargothrond snipers can (apparently) see an insignia on a tiny ring from ten yards away.

24. Elves can count reeaaaaally fast.

25. Having seven sons in a row is not necessarily good luck.

26. A shiny object about an inch in diameter caused the destruction of the kingdom of Doriath.

27. Dwarves hoard secret recipes

28. There are more parallels between Gandalf and The Doctor than you think.

29. Before you discuss confidential information, check to make sure no one is trimming grass under the windowsill.

30. The word “holiday” means something else to Bilbo.

31. Singing wildly while dancing on top of a table is not exactly a good idea.

32. If you see big green mounds with bits of stone sticking out of them like teeth…get as FAR AWAY from them as possible before nightfall.

33. Try not to separate from your friends, especially in heavy fog.

34. Knowing how to write songs makes you beloved amongst the elves.

35. Gender bias cost Sauron his most trusted servant. (a.k.a. the Witch-King of Angmar)

36. If guys  in black hoods riding black horses start sniffing around your neighborhood… take that as a sign that it’s time to move.

37. Even Fat dragons gan pack a punch.

38. It is a good skill to distinguish between numbers 30 and 31.

39. Everyone in Middle-Earth writes their ‘a’ s with three dots above it.

40. The Orc sergeant in Mordor has a very limited insult vocabulary.

41. Shiny glass balls can drive you crazy.

42. Gollum has severe vitamin D deficiency.

43. And 500 years in a cave didn’t improve his grammar either.

44. Never trust young men who simply cannot take constructive criticism.

45. Be very, very suspicious if 13 dwarves suddenly invite themselves to your house and seem to know exactly what is in your pantry.

46. There are several meanings hidden in “good morning!”.

47. Be sure to compliment a forest whenever you enter it.

48. The more tragic your death, the more it will be sung about.

49. Elves sleep with their eyes open.

50. “Never laugh at live dragons!”.

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